Editorial

This publication used to be known as ‘Wheels Monthly’ in the far distant past - it’s currently in danger of becoming ‘Wheels Bi-Annually’ at the moment.  It’s late being something of an understatement.  But it did start to get kind of busy after the last mag.  Over a period of 10 weeks I competed on no less than 8 events - and it’s telling!  And I thought we’d only missed two events due to the Foot & Mouth problem. The tally of ‘Brownie points’ is fast dwindling and the doghouse beckons!  The net result is that I’m currently leading the ANCC Autotest Championship, so pressure needs to be kept up (on the wife or the championship?).

Thanks as usual to those who provide much needed Mag fodder.  A new contributor this month is Joanne Briggs (sibling to Carl, daughter of Derrick, for the older readers) who not only competes, but typed a mean report on the recent John Overend stages rally.  The Rodgers’ stable has also donated an article again - I’m sure there’s a latent (isn’t that rubber?) writing talent busting to get out there.  I think the article’s aimed at Matthew - see what you think.

Thankfully more events are now being allowed.  Manby drew a Beverley crew recently which should dilute the current ‘Wheels (Autotest) Magazine’ to provide some much needed variation.

Another successful Armstrong Massey has been run by the club’s very experienced team.  Lots of tired club members last Monday morning, but the event was enjoyed by all.

The shear number of autotests over the past few weeks along with much fettling of the car trailer has left me with little time for producing the mag. Some of the autotest reports may have to be missed (who shouted “hooray”?), but I’ll try to catch up next time.

Howie.

Chairmans ChunteringsJuly 2001

Welcome to a somewhat belated edition of wheels. The foot and mouth epidemic has somewhat dented our ability to compete in events and it is only the recent introduction of Autotesting that has seen Howard back in action. Hopefully by the next edition we may have some reports of the Armstrong Massey Rally from those who entered. If anyone wishes to write a short report this can be e-mailed to me at graeme@whitworth.karoo.co.uk.

It would appear that the magazine is now becoming more diversified with jokes and quotes becoming the norm. Not willing to be outdone I have included some that I have had sent to me via e-mail. I also have some that cannot be published so if you want them sending to you please let me know.

 

Armstrong Massey Rally

At last some good news to bring to you all.

The Armstrong Massey Rally ran on the 8th July on Leconfield. The event attracted 101 starters of which 82 finished. The event has attracted some very favourable comments due to the format being a multi use (single venue) event. Many tarmac specialists came out of the woodwork to try their luck at a very smooth Leconfield. My thanks go to Matthew as Clerk of the Course and the many people who assisted through out the weekend in one form or another. Over 200 marshals turned out to assist and watch a class event tackle the stages. The press report compiled by Howard at the end of the event is included in the mag.

Road Rallying

Road Rallying has been allowed to recommence from the 14 July although with some restrictions. These are detailed in the MSA newsletter dated 7/01 and will be found in the magazine. Hopefully this will mean that the Maple Garage Beaver Rally will run again in December. The restrictions may mean that the organisers will not be able to use rough whites which some competitors do not like and mean that they will have to bring their events into line with the Beaver.

Memberships

 

An updated list of members is in the magazine and includes some 24 who joined the club to take part in the Armstrong Massey Rally. To all those who have joined the club, I hope that you keep in touch and enter under Beverley if you compete in an ANCC event. If any one has changed any details please let me or Carl know so they can be amended.

Calendar

 

 

July 26th

Carl brings his computer from the loft and lets us all make fools of ourselves trying to control a rally car. Alternatively he may bring a Playstation or something similar with the same results.

August 2nd

Howard tries to catch us out with his impression of Jeremy Paxman.

August 9th

Tim Rodgers brings his television and videos for us to watch some rallying in case we have forgotten what it is.

The EGM will also take place this evening.

16th August

Treasure hunt organised by Andy Beaumont

August 23rd

Free night due to main holiday period.

The next magazine should be produced in August which will bring us back on track for our usual by monthly publication. Please let Howard or Myself have any articled by the 9th August.

Gunner


Sunday 22 April                      Bolt-On-Performance

Bolton Autotest

Bolton-le-Moors Car Club

Some two weeks after the MSA announced that autotests on sealed surfaces in urban areas could now take place, Peter Sharples of Bolton-le-Moors had a set of regs on their website, and were running a slick, full blown event attracting top competitors from around the UK.  The event covered all the major championships, MSA, BTRDA, ANCC, etc.

This was to be my first event mixing it with the big guns with the new 1300cc engine.  The 8.30 scrutineering start in Bolton was somewhat daunting, but I managed to get there in a reasonable 1 hour 35 minutes.  Even more daunting was the line-up of autotest stars.  Mike Sones was in my class.  More grey hair than me, but a serious national competitor. Then there were the Darkin brothers. Fortunately for me their project 1400cc engine didn’t like the world of competition and had lunched itself on a previous event.  Not only that, but Paddy, the quicker of the two, had pulled a back muscle that morning opening the garage door!  Suddenly the pittling rain of the morning didn’t seem so bad!

The promise of the organisers from last year to make the tests easier was broken from the beginning.  Given such a huge area within the BAe car park, they obviously struggle to set short simple tests.  Me, I love ‘em long and fast.  And Bolton didn’t disappoint!

Still struggling to get to grips with 1300 power I was suffering a lot of wheelspin.  This lost me time against Mike Sones to the tune of 3 seconds after the first three tests, but I wasn’t in the wars as much as poor Paddy Darkin who took a maximum on test three.  Such was the power of Heepy that something in the back of the seat broke during test two, causing me a slight hesitation in my progress.

Having completed the first three test sites we could stand and watch the spectacle of Chris Atkinson in his Alfa powered VW Buggy, not to mention the guest appearance of Russ Swift in an awesome rally prepared 4 wheel drive Mitsubishi, obviously drawn by the size of the tests.  Somewhat embarrassingly he got a washout on test one, but he was brilliant to watch in such a cumbersome machine which didn’t particularly lend itself to autotesting!  Less interesting to watch were the various competitors putting on the ‘trick’ Yoko’s. These are particularly effective in the wet, giving the driver a distinct advantage over everyone else.  At £70 each and lasting only a couple of events, a lot of us think this detracts from the spirit of our sport. Each to their own I suppose.

After only 6 tests it was time for lunch, such was the size of the entry. Dave Mosey had already stamped his authority on the event, pulling out a sizeable lead on everyone, despite incurring 3 penalties on the first three tests.  He will be national champion this year, no doubt.  I was still trailing Mike Sones, by some 13 seconds now although I wasn’t as far off the pace as I expected.

The rain stopped after lunch and a new set of tests were learned.  These would be run three times in the afternoon, but all fairly long.  On the first three runs I only allowed Mike to pull out another 0.8 of a second, but on the second run I gave him 10 seconds owing to a couple of mistakes. The Darkin brothers were still in the wars and losing time to me and Mike with penalties and mistakes.

By the end of the day everyone had had a good time.  Dave Mosey took a well deserved FTD in his Mini Special. Mike Sones breathed a sigh of relief in maintaining his standing in class B against the newcomer from the 1100cc ranks.  I was extremely happy to finish 2nd in class and 6th overall against such heavy competition.  I was the highest placed ANCC competitor on the day, everyone else was tackling either the MSA or BTRDA championship.

 

Howie.

 


“Quotes”

“Are you Deg’s lad or Graham’s?”

Gav Smith publicly blundering into Phil Burton’s family background.


“Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Darryl Gibson comes inside of him.”

New Zealand rugby commentator


“This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria....I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!”

Pat Glenn - weightlifting commentator


Sunday 29 April                                Fire! Fire!

Spring Autotest

Larkspeed League Championship

Yorkshire Sports Car Club

YSCC managed to find a new and interesting venue in Bradford for their annual bash.  A disused wool mill with lots of tarmacked areas to set up the tests on.  Some crumbling masonry was testament to the state of the wool industry in Bradford these days.  For this reason, cars were kept well away from the main building.

Lending me some moral support on the day was new member Steve Cooper.  He was curious to know what all this autotesting was about.  I think he was impressed with the sport.

Some 32 competitors turned out for the 8.30 start at scrutineering. Noticeable by their absence was John Taylor & Shorty.  The story goes that they both thought the foot and mouth problem would last for some months and decided to chop the roof off their Mini and convert it to a special. Hot can opener still in hand, Robert Newlove rang them to advise of a Larkspeed autotest in a couple of weeks time and would they make sure they were ready.  Doh!  Rob White told me that most of the welding had been completed, but Shorty wouldn’t take it to an event ‘til the paintwork was pristine.  Whitey was not best pleased with our two chums.  Steve Young and his son Adrian did show up to give some support to North Humberside MC’s quest for Larkspeed points.

A cracking set of tests were set by ex RAC autotest champion David Haigh. The early morning rain soon giving way to a bright sunny day with a breeze to help dry the tarmac.  The big engined Mini’s were amalgamated with the sports car and specials class so plenty of competition for me.  Local hero Dave Mosey was in attendance which meant FTD was more or less sewn up.

The test sites were generally good with the exception of one which had a lot of loose shale on it and was a bit slow.  One of the others ran in close proximity to a wall which almost guaranteed someone would hit it (past experience told me to do all my manoeuvres away from it).  NHMC’s Steve Young had the least ‘wall’ experience and was unlucky enough to give it a tag on test 9 with the rear of his Mini Special. Fortunately not enough to prevent him from completing the rest of the day.

A cursing Whitey had to borrow a well used spark plug from me before the Mitsubishi Mirage could be coaxed into life.  The spray from his tow car on the motorway had found its way through the grill and given the whole engine a good soaking.

After the first 6 tests Dave Mosey had pulled out a lead of 8.2 seconds on me in his Mini Special with a very quick Steve Morten third, a further 5 down in his 1.4 Nova.  His son Ben was still trying to beat ‘Dad,’ but a washout on test two certainly didn’t help his cause.

After learning and walking another set of three tests, a somewhat tardy effort on my part saw Dave extend his lead to 30 seconds with Steve Morten still snapping at my heals only a further 6 away.  A stalled engine on test 10 allowed a number of others to beat my time.  The new 1300cc engine was taking some time to get used to.  There’s a very delicate line between getting good traction and spinning all the grip away with too many revs.

Talking of which, as it was a Larkspeed Championship event, clubs tend to drag all sorts of competitors out to gain points for their club.  So you see people competing who you’ve maybe never seen before.  One such person was Nick Pullan.  He’s a competitor from many years ago and brought along a Hillman Imp.  Yep, a Rinky-Dink.  He was duly entered in the rear wheel drive class 3 along with ‘The Dangerous Brothers’ (it’s written on the side of their Escort), Mark and Lee Sherburn from Sporting Escort Owner’s Club.  Mark & Lee like to burn lots of rubber as they negotiate each test. The throttle is merely an on-off switch.  Nick proceeded to take lots of time off the brothers’ Sherburn through the day.  This might not seem so surprising ‘til you take into consideration that Nick is partly paralysed down his right side and has to steer and change gear with his left hand - try it sometime.  It also means he can’t make use of the handbrake to assist him round the test like the rest of us.  One of the ‘Brothers’ confided in me during the day that he thought he’d sussed why his times weren’t so good!

Lunch was a welcome relief after 12 tests and time to gather my fuddled brain together for the afternoon.  It must’ve worked ‘cos on the next 6 I pulled back 13 seconds of my mornings deficit on Dave and extended my lead over Steve to 14 seconds.

YSCC’s time-keeping was pretty slick ‘cos they managed to squeeze in 24 tests before calling it a day.  Dave Mosey moved up another gear to put himself 63 seconds ahead of me by the finish to take a well deserved Fastest Time of Day.  That left me to take the class win ahead of Adele Mosey, sharing hubby’s car, and 3rd place William Helsby in his Dutton.  Gerald Holroyd took the small engined Mini saloon class from the father and son duo, Rob and David Burrows.  As expected, Steve Morten held his all day lead on class 2 beating Graham Hepworth and Whitey into 2nd and 3rd respectively.

Nick Pullan in the Imp, unsurprisingly (but not to the Dangerous Brothers) took the class 3 win for Ilkley Motor Club ahead of no less than three SEOC members.

Presentations over with we hit the M62 for home.  Feeling an unusual vibration through the car I checked the mirrors to see the offside trailer wheel whizzing up and down.  I’ve had problems before with out of balance wheels on the trailer so decided to puddle it home slowly and get it fixed the following weekend.

After what seemed like hours we finally reached the A63 ‘home stretch.’  Just as we did, however, the car felt as though someone had applied the brakes for me.  Sensing something was about to let go we pulled onto the forecourt of the Beacon Services.  Hopped out of the car to find huge plumes of blue smoke rising from each trailer hub.  As Steve and I stood there looking at the offside one it suddenly burst in to flame!  Quick thinking Steve soon realised that a garage forecourt wasn’t the ideal place for an impromptu bonfire!  He went tearing off to get a fire extinguisher.  Getting a bit impatient, I walked over to the open boot, took out a 2 litre container of water and poured the contents of it over the flaming hub.  Steve then came tearing back with a nice shiny primed fire extinguisher only to see a cloud of steam and no fire!  Resisting the temptation to squirt the thing over me he then had to take it back and apologise for breaking the seal on it.  Sorry Steve.

As it was so late in the day I didn’t feel like starting to dismantle the thing hoping I could fix it.  I made a decision to drive it very slowly home and deal with it another time.  About two miles further down the road, just before my turn-off at South Cave, the offside tyre blew up dramatically!  I knew it was dramatic ‘cos my eyes were glued to it.  The right side of the trailer dropped down hard and by the time I’d pulled into the end of the lay-by the wheel resembled a threepenny bit!  Now I was going to have to fix it.  After removing the charred remains of a brand new set of brake shoes plus an assortment of springs in the bottom of the drum all covered in melted grease and brake dust, I got the spare wheel on and completed a very slow drive home.  Much work was required before me ‘n Heepy were going anywhere again!

Many thanks to Steve for his moral support on the day and quick thinking in the face of a potential crisis.  Rumour has it he might take up the sport.  Watch this space.

Howie.


JOHN OVEREND MEMORIAL STAGES 16th JUNE 2001 - MANBY

After uumming and aarring about whether or not to do the John Overend Memorial Stages, we finally sent in the entry – even though the car was still not ready.

With only a few days to go and the wiring not completely finished we were beginning to fear the worst, but the worst was yet to come.

Finally on Tuesday night the car was ready for tuning and was taken down to Dennis Vessey’s.  Time to relax before the hard work was to begin!!

So on Thursday Carl set off to pick up his car only to receive a phone call on the journey saying the car was “down on power” and was “breathing a lot of oil.”  Suspected piston ring failure and with only 27 hours ‘til Carl was due to set off, it was a bit of a set back, bearing in mind that the car still had to be MOT’d.  However, within 2 hours the engine was out and new piston rings were ordered, due to arrive Friday lunch.

Anyway, Carl arrived home at 4.30 from having the car MOT’d, having spent all day re-building the engine and was due to be back at Dennis Vessey’s before 5pm, which he managed, even though the van wouldn’t pull any faster then 45 mph!

Some 10 minutes later I received a phone call saying that Carl had forgotten the MOT certificate & photos, amongst other things, and I had to get them to someone who was going up to Manby that night. So, with minutes to spare, I dropped them off with Mike Lund who promised to get them their safely.

And so Saturday came, my alarm going off in the middle of the night, 5.30 am to be precise.  I dragged myself out of bed and to the phone to ring a member of the service crew, who didn’t answer.  After making another 5 phone calls, we decided to go without him, leaving us down to only one service man!!

We arrived at Manby in the pouring rain and couldn’t figure out how to get in (it was still quite early!), but after around 5 phone calls for directions we finally drove into the service area, ready for my first rally.

So onto the first stage, this went quite well, even if I did give a few wrong directions (I will have to learn my left and right soon – or at least remember that I sit in the left hand seat – as suggested!) and getting stuck behind 2 overly cautious drivers (slow in other words). We drove back into the service area feeling pretty good that we had managed to overtake 2 vehicles on our first run, everything seemed to be going okay, apart from the small matter of the panhard rod hanging off, Carl had forgotten to tighten it up!

We had a good second stage, gaining around 45 seconds on the first stage, even though the windscreen rain repellent was making it impossible to see (try wipers, they’re great! Ed.).

On the third stage we were going pretty good until we got about half way round and the car started misfiring.  But with a new set of plugs and all the electric’s sprayed, we were fit and ready for the next stage.

Stages 4 and 5 went without a glitch, apart from realising that the reason we couldn’t see through the windscreen was because oil from the breather bottle was making its way onto the windscreen and the rain repellent wasn’t to blame after all!

During stage 6, Carl was having problems getting gears, which wasn’t helped by the gear lever coming out.  We managed to get it into 1st gear and drove back to service, having to accept a stage maximum!

Stage 7 went without any problems and stage 8 was going the same way until the last 500 yards when the car started misfiring again – but this time the manifold had cracked.  We had already finished the rally so we weren’t too worried.

Overall Paul Hutchings and Ian Kirk finished 37, Mike Lund and Peter Quinlan were unfortunately last due to driving up a bank and bending a steering arm.  We finished 45th overall.  We had our share of problems and with the stage maximum dropped back over 6 minutes, but we had completed our first rally, sorted out the teething problems with the car and had a very enjoyable day.  All that was left now was to go to pub for a well-deserved drink!!

Jo Briggs


                                                  Giz a Go Mister!

 

Sunday 13 May

ANCC Fern Furnishing Autotest Championship

Bury Automobile Club

Two weeks, two new drums, two new wheel cylinders, two hubs, two new tyres, a new wheel and set of brake shoes later and the trailer’s ready to roll again (!).  That lot wasn’t in my budget at the beginning of the year!  However, I was pleased just to have got it all done in time to head for sunny Bury.

Yet again I was not alone.  Very new member Ed Button wanted to come along to have a look at our sport.  Well - that’s not exactly true.  I wandered into the club late one Thursday evening and asked who owned the brown Mini in the car park.  Ed admitted the black Mini was his and yes, it needed cleaning!  Being very aware that another Larkspeed League Championship event was just over a week away I launched into selling him on the idea of competing on it for the good of the club et cetera et cetera.  Then I suggested he might like to join me this coming Sunday to get an idea of what it was all about.  He was game.

The Spring Street car park was only a stone’s throw from the previous Bury venue of last year.  Biggest surprise however, was the lack of competitors.  A clash with a BTRDA or MSA event saw only 10 of us turn up on a sweltering hot day on a huge car park.  The tests were enormous which would cause competitors a lot of problems during the day.

Learning the tests whilst teaching Ed was fairly slow going.  They were not so much difficult as very big.  One test was about the size of most venues!  My main rivals for the day looked like Richard Wood from Ilkley and Steve Johnson from CSMA.  The three of us running in the 1300cc Mini saloon class.

My only bit of luck for the day started on test one when the marshal’s clock didn’t start.  I saw some arm waving as I was halfway round and for one awful moment thought I’d got a washout!  It’d been a scrappy run so I was very happy to get another chance.  What I wasn’t happy about was screaming a still fairly new engine around the huge tests.  Sustained maximum revs was something I’d hoped to avoid with the bigger engine.

By the end of test 3 I was two seconds down on Steve Johnson by dint of a stall on test 5, followed by some serious engine fluffing on 7 and 8.  The latter problem was to dog me all day and spoil my chances of challenging for the lead.  Richard Wood had now dropped to 4th behind Dave Goodlad who was having a tidy drive in his 1100cc Mini saloon in Class 1.

After running the first three tests three times Steve was 13 seconds ahead of me with Dave a further 8 down and Richard another 4.  Training with Ed resumed as he walked the next set of three with me to learn them.  Well, that was the theory anyway.  Unfortunately Steve Beamish and John North in Class C had been having bigger engine problems than me and the organisers were allowing them to catch up on running the tests after some repairs had been effected.  This meant Ed and I had to abort walking the tests halfway round so John and Steve could do the earlier ones.  What I hadn’t realised was that we only walked one of the tests once.  My rule is always to do them at least twice.  Halfway round driving test 12 this manifested itself when a mental brick wall suddenly confronted me!  Heepy was stationary for a long time while I sorted myself out and eventually completed it, some 25 seconds of the pace!  Mind you, Richard Wood had already blotted his copybook with a washout on test 11.

By the end of those three runs 18 tests had been completed and Steve Johnson was running away with the event.  He had some 40 seconds in hand and was cruising.  My only other problem had been on test 15 as I was flat out approaching the finish line, two women and a child were walking across it!  The venue is much used by locals as a cut through and unfortunately the marshal hadn’t spotted them either.  I managed to cross the line without hitting them and still got a reasonable time.  It was the same test I’d almost got wrong on the first run.

I was already planning some modifications to Heepy’s fuel plumbing.  I reckoned the bigger engine was probably heating up the exhaust more and boiling the fuel in the lines nearby and in the carby just above it.  The problem was worse after a long reversing section as no air was being forced through the grill to take the heat away.  The engine would really bog down then.  Ed suggested covering the fuel lines with chrome shower hose to reflect the heat.  Sounded a good idea to me.

During one of the breaks in between tests, a couple of local lads came over to the paddock to have a look at the hardware.  They were either very, very dim or high on something, but we all suddenly got a bit wary.  We were gathered round Steve’s car which had its complete fibre-glass front end removed.  After chatting to the two lads for a while, most of their chat being preceded by the ‘F’ word, one of them asked Steve if he could sit in the Mini.  Steve agreed, but then casually bent down and removed the low tension lead from the coil as the youth got in.  Our sniggers went unnoticed by the two lads who eventually wandered off back to their vantage point to watch the rest of the event.

The organisers decided that instead of setting up and learning three new tests, we’d get more done if we carried on with the last three.  This allowed me to start pulling time back from Steve, but he was a long way in front and it would take a miracle to make it up.  Test 26, enter miracle!  The first I knew anything was wrong was when Steve approached me in the paddock area.  He told me his engine had died on the penultimate test and he had incurred a washout - fastest time on that test (mine) plus 30 seconds!  The reason he approached me was to ask if I’d protest him using Richard’s Mini to do the last test, otherwise he would incur another washout time if he didn’t attempt it and I would win the event.  The devil and an angel were sat on each of my shoulders just for a second.  Autotesting is a very gentlemanly sport however, and I didn’t hesitate any further in giving my approval - you never know when you might need a favour back!

He duly completed the last test, easily beating my time owing to Heepy having his last ‘fluff’ of the day!  The final margin was only 8.9 seconds after 27 hard tests.  Dave Goodlad got a podium finish (we don’t really have a podium) with a fine third overall some 18 seconds ahead of Richard Wood.

Richard had, through the day, been chatting to our Ed and giving hints and tips on the fine sport of Autotesting.  He knew Ed was competing on the approaching Larkspeed event the following Sunday and thought he should have some time behind the wheel before we left.  Kindly, Richard offered his Mini to Ed for a quick blat around one of the tests the organisers had left set up.  The experience was a new one for Ed, but he looked quick through one of the slaloms.  It all soon turned to tears however when Ed and Richard appeared back in the paddock, Ed looking a bit sheepish and Richard’s Mini missing a piece of wheel arch extension!  Seems Ed had got out of shape and dinged one of the ‘Big Foot’ cones on the test.  A large area of red cone paint on the offending wing just to add to the effect.  Richard’s a good sort though (he must be to lend someone his Mini) and put Ed at ease, telling him he had a spare one at home anyway (Mini or wheel arch extension?).

Howie.


Comprehending IT - Take One

Two IT guys were walking across the park when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second IT guy replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. 

She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, Take what you want."

The second IT guy nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."


     Comprehending IT - Take Two

    

An architect, an artist and an IT guy were discussing whether it was better to have a wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the

     passion and mystery he found there.

    

     The IT guy said, "I like both."

    

     The artist said "BOTH?"

    

     The IT guy replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will

     each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go

     to the office and get some work done."

    

     ..............................................

    

     Comprehending IT - Take Three

    

     To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass

     is half empty.

    

     To the IT guy, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    

     ...........................................

    

     Comprehending IT - Take Four

    

     An IT guy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him

     and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

    

     He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

    

     The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back

     into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

    

     The IT guy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned

     it to the pocket.

    

     The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a

     princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want."

    

     Again the IT guy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into

     his pocket.

    

     Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a

     beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything

     you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

    

     The IT guy said, "Look I work in IT. I don't have time for a

     girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

    

     .....................................

    

     A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver

     won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he

     replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.

    

    

     She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as

     I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and

     hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could

     say or ask that I would find offensive."

    

     "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

    

     She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:

     1, you have to be single and 2 you must be Catholic."

    

     The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm

     Catholic too!"

    

     The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley."

    

     He does and the nun slaps a warm, passionate kiss on him that he's apt

     never to forget. Then, when they get back on the road, the cab driver

     starts crying.

    

     "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"

    

     "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm

     married and I'm Jewish."

    

     The nun says, "That's, OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a

     Halloween party."

 

Tim & Sara Rodgers

 


Saturday 16 June

John Overend Memorial Stages

North Humberside Motor Club

North Humberside Motor Club were blessed with a good turnout of 63 crews on their stage rally.  Not so blessing were the weather conditions however.  Torrential rain made for some tricky stages with much standing water to catch out the unwary.

Three Beverley crews ventured onto the tarmac of Manby airfield in these days of restricted competition.  Paul Hutchinson, co-driven by Ian Kirk (he held the steering wheel while Hutch grabbed a sandwich mid-stage) came out top dogs, 10th in class, 37th overall.  Their progress in the Vauxhall Nova GTE wasn’t helped by the gear linkage coming adrift during the event though.

The brother and sister partnership of Carl and Joanne Briggs also had a mixed day with part of the suspension working loose and the gear lever disengaging itself!  They kept it all together though and brought the Ford Escort home two class places behind Hutch & Kirky (wasn’t that an American detective series?) and 45th overall.

Mike Lund & Pete Quinlan didn’t fare so well.  They managed to stuff their Talbot Sunbeam up a bank, bending the TCA in the process which hampered them for the rest of the day.  That’s what comes of taking driving tips from Petchy!  Dead last and 12th in class, they did finish the event however, and still beat all those who didn’t.

Howie.


ARMSTRONG MASSEY RALLY 2001

Tony Jannetta and Lee Carter won a close fought battle with Tom Morris and Neil Chambers in matching Metro 6R4’s during which they were never more than 5 seconds apart.  Jannetta relinquished the lead after stage 4, but clawed his way back to the front on stage 6, a lead he would maintain through the final two stages.

Another well organised event by Beverley & district Motor Club gave competitors some much needed rally mileage in these days of foot & mouth restrictions and a chance to notch up more championship points.  The popular airfield at Leconfield hosting a single venue event which some competitors may remember from past years.

Ian Joel/Graeme Wood struggled all day to match the times of the leading pair, but 2 litre Cosworth power is no match for the 6R4’s and they had to settle for 3rd after swapping times with Barry Renwick/Andy Fenwick all day.  So they had the delight of at least beating one 6R4 on the day!  Local crew Richard Watts/Dave Playforth rounded off the top 5 with an excellent result in their Escort Cosworth.

Class A was comprehensibly taken by Steven Crowther/Steven Clarke in their Peugeot 205 just managing to stay ahead of Selby’s Mike Smith/Richard Glew in their Mini.  Graham Green/Stewart Lund came from well down the order earlier in the day to clinch third in class on the very last stage.

Car 60, the Proton of Tristan Pye/Roger Herron, put in a very strong showing to easily take Class B from Adrian Wilson/Kevin Bardon’s Vauxhall Corsa.  Beverley crew Dave Twilton/Richard Vincent, who are used to being at the very front of tarmac rallies, suffered a few engine maladies with their recently rebuilt super quick Mini.  They did, however, just managed to hang on to third in front of fellow club members Andy Rowe/Neil Holland in their Peugeot 205.

YSCC’s Chris Platt/Colin Thompson had another ding-dong battle with Stuart Wood/Ken White from Wakefield, but the former’s Vauxhall Corsa proved to be the quicker at the end of the day to secure Class C.  Ilkley crew Peter Dickson/Graham Hepworth picked up their pace later on, but ultimately had to settle for third just ahead of John and Chris Haygarth in their Opel Kadett GTE.

Tagged on the end, but no less entertaining, were the six entries from the Lex Army Rally Team in their Land Rovers.  Standard issue, however, were diesel engines which made for some interesting driving techniques not to mention the odd mobile chicane for following drivers!  Winner of this Class was Alan Paramore/James Sunderland very closely followed by Jim Clark/Mark Burton and Anton Mitchell/Thomas Hardie.

Beverley crew Andy Carter/Tim Rodgers had a mixed day, but brought their Escort home 5th in Class B, 33rd overall.  North Humberside Motor Club had six entries, with good performances from Ken Sturdy/Andy Townend and Tony Dickinson/Gavin Hesleltine.

Other local crews competing were Gav Smith/Ben Lawrenson who unfortunately blew up their diff on stage 2 and went OTL, but carried on just to enjoy the driving experience once the unit had been replaced.  Prize for the most spectacular retirement though must go to David Turnbull/Mark Sissons when their Group A Escort Cosworth threw its engine oil onto a glowing exhaust at the end of a long straight.  The resultant flames lit up the whole underside of the car for some 75 yards while they brought it to a halt.  An illuminating and potentially expensive experience to say the least!

Slick results followed an equally slick event which everyone enjoyed.  However, some competitors are still hankering for the forests.

Howie


2001 BRITISH RALLY CHAMPIONSHIP CANCELLED

Following cancellation of the Trackrod Rally Yorkshire, with only two rounds remaining, the Motor Sports Association has cancelled this year's British Rally Championship.

The MSA stated that the championship would continue if at least three of the original seven rounds could run. With five events now lost to Foot & Mouth Disease, only the Kumho Tyres Scottish Rally (15/16 September) and the Jim Clark Memorial Rally (7-9 December) are currently planning to go ahead.

Commenting on the loss of the 2001 championship, MSA Chief Executive Colin Hilton said: "By our own rules, once the number of remaining events went below three, we had no alternative but to cancel the entire championship. Our energy and attention will now be devoted to delivering a fresh and vibrant Championship in 2002."

Issued by John Horton, Media contact for the British Rally Championship

Tel    0121 378 2828.

Fax    0121 378 0500.

e-mail john@jhmm.co.uk.